How to Stop Feeling Guilty About the Food You Can't Afford to Feed Your Kids

I walk through the local discount grocery store with my toddler happily riding in the cart. We ran out of fruit this morning at breakfast - the container lasted about 5 days; I rationed those blueberries between us to make them last for 4 people as long as possible. Unfortunately, this week the berries are not on sale. In fact, a container of strawberries is $6.99 (and not even anything fancy or organic - REGULAR strawberries). My son is excited; he loves juicy bright shiny strawberries and we haven't had them in a while! But, I know these will only last 2 days max, and we cannot afford them. "Sorry kid, not today" I tell him, as we move along to the canned fruits. I pick up a can of pears in fruit juice for $2.99 instead. He's upset. Me too. I so wish that the affordability of strawberries wasn't even on my radar. But here we are with a can of pears instead of the fresh fruit, and my heart is heavy with the knowledge that I am unable to provide for my family. Will my kids still get nutrients, fibre, and full tummies from that can? Yes. But the guilt still follows me around. "Fresh fruit is always better, everyone knows that", my brain says. "No wonder your kid is such a picky eater, you can't even buy them decent food that they want to eat".

You might be thinking to yourself, "geez lady calm down it's a can of pears. It's not the end of the world". For many parents, it really does feel like it though. Parents face immense pressure to 'get it right' and do the best things possible for their kids all the time. The best schools, the best brain-stimulating infant toys, the best extracurricular activities, and of course, the best food. For food-insecure families and those living paycheque to paycheque, the guilt piles up even more. How can we keep the kids fed with all the nutritious superfoods, put them in the piano class that will make them smarter, and save for their post-secondary education, when we can't even afford strawberries?!

If you've been holding the same guilt while raising kids and living on the edge of financial disaster, I'm here to remind you that you aren't alone here. But, that guilt isn't going to feed your family or make you any better of a parent, so let's explore how to drop the baggage at the grocery store doors, shall we?

Where the guilt comes from

We all see it - those beautiful aesthetic kitchens and lovely organized pantries. Glass meal prep containers and stainless steel lunchboxes bursting with vitamins and nutrients, the colourful bounty of fresh produce sparkling cheerfully. And wait, didn't you read that post? The thing you thought was healthy is actually TOXIC now!

Social media influencers, video and blogs are a great source of inspiration, but not always a solid source of information. Everybody has an opinion about nutrition and what the best food choices are, but they're not always based on research and credible science. Plus, these hard hitting guilt-rendering headlines about what's good or bad or *toxic* can make even nutritious foods seem suddenly dangerous. "What were you thinking?! Lentils have lectins, you can't give those to your kids!" (spoiler alert: of course you can. Just cook your lentils.). It's hard to negotiate the hysteria on social media from the reality of living on a budget and needing to be cautious with every food dollar spent. And of course, it's very easy to feel guilty about not being able to afford the "best" things for your family when there's so much hype about the potential harm of affordable foods like processed foods, conventional vs organic produce, foods dyes, I could go on...

The "food rules" don't always make sense when you have to make realistic decisions about how to feed your family. Your dollar only stretches so far, you only have a certain number of hours in the day to devote to food preparation, and the expectations don't always match reality. Of course I could send my kid to school with a bountiful lunchbox full of veggies and homemade sushi and whatever else you see on TikTok, but I don't have the budget to experiment with things she's unlikely to eat that will just end up as waste, nor the time to make adorable lunches every day (though if you've been following me on Instagram for a while, you know I do love an occasional adorable lunchbox!)

The guilt doesn't feed your family.

At the end of the day, feeling guilty about what you can't buy isn't going to do any good. The guilt isn't going to magically make food less expensive. It isn't going to suddenly give you the extra hours in the day to meal prep. It will not make you a better parent - because guess what? The fact that you feel guilty at all means you are a good parent, because you care and want to do the right thing for your kids!

The guilt will, however, drain your emotional energy and bring you higher stress and anxiety. It will make you feel defeated. And, it can lead to disordered food patterns, like food hoarding due to a scarcity mindset.

Feeling guilty doesn't actually do anything to improve your nutrition or long term habits around food or budgeting. Just remember that "perfect" food choices don't guarantee perfect health, especially when it comes at the cost of your financial or mental health and well being.

What actually matters in nutrition?

Variety. Eat a variety of foods, making the most of what is accessible to you. When you can, eat a variety of fruit and veggies, whole grains, and decent sources of protein. Whether they are fresh, frozen, or canned, they're still food and they're all good. Make the choices that fit your budget and will stretch as far as you can to keep the bellies full in your home.

The food itself, while important, is just one piece of the puzzle. Our eating behaviours are a huge influence on our children and the family dynamic, and have a lasting impression on how our kids feel about food as they grow. Eating together at the table whenever possible is a proven strategy to improve nutrition and eating habits for children, improve mental health, and strengthen family bonds and communication. Using food and cooking as a teaching tool also benefits our kids' relationships with food. We can guide our kids to learn life skills around food, like meal planning and budgeting, basic meal preparation and cooking techniques, or planting a garden or potted veggie plant. These are all huge wins for nutrition and a healthy relationship with food, that don't even involve choosing kale or whatever the superfood of the day is.

Shift your mindset

"Healthy" looks different for every family. You don't have to buy specific foods to be a good parent - your job is to provide nutritious meals, whatever that means in your household. A 79c can of beans can be just as (if not more) nutritious than the latest $10 high protein vegan kale-infused hand-petted sun-kissed superfood.

You are a good parent if you are doing the best you can with what you have.

You are feeding your family. Their bellies are full. Sometimes, that's enough.

Now I will add that for some families, there's no saving the budget and the grocery store in general is just too expensive. If you need more support to access nutritious foods, reach out to a food bank, community pantry, or community centre in your area to see what resources may be available to you. If you're a member of a faith community, your faith leader may have suggestions as well (many churches, masjids and other faith halls have community-led meal programs, or collect donations for clothing and personal care items to help relieve your budget)

Looking for pantry staples that will stretch your budget? Check out my list of nutritious pantry staples.